Do you live with or work with a Control Freak?
Do you live with or work with a Control Freak?
"It's my way or the highway!" I wouldn’t do it that way. Why don’t you try this? What are you doing? That’s not right. Don’t do that. Do this.
Has anyone ever said this to you?
While the phrase has become slightly too cliché to be used everyday, the sentiment certainly permeates much of modern life.
It can be difficult to work with, or live with, someone who is overly controlling.
Mainly because they don't see themselves as controlling. They see themselves as being right.
Whether it's asking you to tidy things up in a certain way, or micromanaging you to the point where you feel like you can't express your own opinions, being around a control freak can be emotionally draining.
There are three things that make up a control freak:
1. Lack of Confidence
2. Trust Issues
3. Superiority Complex
To learn how to handle these types of people, it's important to look at the psychology behind why they are the way they are .
Managing The Micromanager
So how do you deal with control freaks? If you can’t avoid them, there are a few ways to minimize their damage:
1..If you’re dealing with a bullying type of control freak in a family/friend situation, leave. There is no obligation for you to stay and have to endure verbal abuse. No amount of turkey, sad-faced grandma, holiday guilt, or years of friendship, should induce you to put up with that behavior. Every time this person raises their voice or tries to bait you into an altercation, remove yourself from the situation. If they are unwilling to change, make that removal permanent.
2..If it is a work situation, it can be trickier. If the bully is your boss, report their behavior to Human Resources (if such a department exists). It may feel like you’re giving into them, but start to look for another job; after all, while HR may step in or document the situation, it could be a long time before that person is removed or you can transfer to a different department.
3.. If you’re dealing with a manipulator, like a co-worker or friend, just keep reiterating your needs and saying no. Practice saying no every morning in a mirror if you must, but say it. No is your weapon in fighting off their underhanded tactics and asserting yourself.
4… Don’t sweat the small stuff. As much as it may pain you to do so, let them have their little wins. If it’s something that doesn’t really matter that much, you are probably better off relinquishing your control and letting them have it. Save your assertive “no” for those times when you have a strong preference to do something on your terms. Otherwise, you risk a never-ending argument.
5.. Don’t take their controlling behavior personally; it is a character flaw of theirs that can have one of many different causes. It does not reflect on you, your character, or your abilities; chances are they are like this with everybody. It is not a personal attack on you, but rather a coping mechanism they employ; albeit a rather testing one.
6…Don’t fight them or try to change them – this will only lead to an escalation as they seek to assert their dominance over you. Instead, save your own sanity by accepting the situation and either leaving, as suggested above, or detaching yourself emotionally from their incessant orders, demands, and criticisms.
7.. Make suggestions and add your individual flair, but be prepared for them to be rejected outright. Take a gentle approach and ask them what they think of your ideas rather than just implementing them without any consultation (which they would consider an aggressive attempt to undermine them). This way you can stroke their ego and make them feel like they have control, while still playing an active, rather than passive, role in the situation.
8.. The best tip I can offer is, above all, try and remain calm. Allowing yourself to get upset just adds kindling to their fire. When you respond calmly, you limit their power over you. Part of being a control freak is about getting a reaction; they enjoy the feeling of power and being in control. If they aren’t able to bully or manipulate you, they can no longer control you and they will move on to another target.
It’s time for you to take back control, from the control freak.
How to handle them
And thankfully there are things you can do to make being around these people more bearable.
1. Give them advance warning of changes
A control freak takes time to get used to unexpected transitions. Give them as much time as possible to alter their expectations and find the resources to deal with the new situation.
2. Don't try to control them
Arguing with a control freak rarely works - they have spent their lives working on being right, and telling them what to do will only make them more disagreeable.
3. Be assertive
Instead of trying to take control, be gently confident and refuse to let yourself feel victimized. Control freaks can sense if you feel like a victim, and they will make a bee-line for you because you can help them feel less anxious by doing what they tell you. Don't give in to the need to justify yourself, but instead trust your own judgement.
4. Be consistent
Control freaks are always looking for ways to argue for their way of doing things and will jump at the chance to point out when you're wrong. But if you consistently stick to your opinions, they will have to do all the work to argue with you. What’s really going on here? Change threatens their control, so they dig their heels in, and try to save face at all costs. If that means you’re a casualty, or a means to an end, so be it
Hypnotherapy can give you the self-respect you need to avoid being a victim, and restores balance back to your relationship and life..
To controlled assertiveness and understanding,